Crazy Love – 11-20-09

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Page 16 As Francis so brilliantly illustrates, the life that Jesus calls us to is

absolute craziness to the world.

Pages 20-22 I get nervous when I think of how welve missed who we are sup osed
to be, and sad when I think about how we’r-e missing out on all that God wants

for the people He loved enough to die for … 1 hope reading this book will convince
you of something: that by surrendering yourself totally to God’s purposes, H~

will bring you the most pleasure in this life ,and the next. .. We need to stop giving
peop e excuses not to – erieve In God. You ve pro ably heard the expression II I
believe in God, just not organized religion. II I don’t think people would say that

if the church truly lived like we are called to live. The expression would change
to III can’t deny what the church does, but I don’t believe in their God.^1I At least
then they’d address their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scape-
goat.

Page 28 I sometimes struggle with how to properly respond to God’s magnitude
in a world bent on ignoring or merely tolerating Him.

Pages 41-42 When I am consumed by my problems–stressed out about my life,

My family, and my job–I .actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances
are more important than od’s command to always rejoice. In other words, that I
have a "right" to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities … ·
Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough,
or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives … Stress says that

the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack
of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control … Basically, these two behaviors
communicate that it’s okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is
somehow exceptional. Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.

Page 61 The irony is that while God doesn’t need us but still wants us, we \\

Desperately need God but don’t really want Him most of the time. He treasures us
and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him–and we wonder
indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by.

Page 65 It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism,
that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is

a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity. I

Page 67 My caution to you is this: Do not assume you are good soil … 1 think most

American church goers are the soi I that chokes the seed because of all the thorns.
Thorns are anything that distracts us from God. .When we want God and a bunch

of other stuff, then that means we have thorns in our soil. A relationship with God
simply cannot grow when money, sins, activities, favorite sports teams, addictions,
or commitments are piled on top of it. .. Has your relationship with God actually
changed the way you live? Do you see evidence of God’s kingdom in your life? Or
are you choking it out slowly by spending too much time, energy, money, and
thought on the things of this world?

Page 70 Lukewarm people don’t really want to be saved from their sins; they want

only to be saved from the penalty of their sin. They don’t genuinely hate sin .

and aren’t truly sorry for it; they’ re merely sorry because God is going to punish
them. Lukewarm people don’t really believe that this new life Jesus offers is better

than the old sinful one., ,

Pages 78-79 Lukewarm do not live by faith; their lives are structured

so they never have to. They don’t have to trust God if something unexpected
happens–they have their savings account. They don’t need God to help them–
they have their retirement in place. They don’t genuinely seek out what life God
would have them live–they have life figured and mapped out. They don’t depend
on God on a daily basis–their refrigerators are full and, for the most part, they
are in good health. The truth is, their lives wouldn’t look much different if they
suddenly stopped believing in God. Lukewarm people probably drink and swear
less than average, but besides that, they really arent very different from your
typical unbeliever. They equate their partially sanitized lives with holiness, but
they couldn’t be more wrong.

I doubt if people even considered these questions back in Jesus’ day! Is this idea
of the non-fruit-bearing Christian something that we have concocted in order to
make Christianity "easier"? So we can follow our own course while still calling
ourselves followers of Christ?

Page 92 "Physical sickness we usually defy. Soul; sickness we often resign ourselves
to. II

Pages 94-95 Following Christ isn’t something that can be done halfl1eartedly or

on the side. It is not a label we can display when it is useful. It must be central

to everything we do and are … 1 f life is a river, then pursuing Christ requires
swimming upstream. When we stop swimming, or actively following Him, we automatically
begin to be swept downstream … 1 believe that much of the American churchgoing
population, whi Ie not specifically swimming downstream, is slowly floating away from
Christ. It isn’t a conscious choice, but it is nonetheless happening because little

in their lives propels them toward Christ.

Page 115 Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy. Something is
wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers.

Page 132 The world is always bewildered by its saints. And then there is the
love for the enemy–Iove for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens,

and inflicts pain. The tortured’s Ivoe for the torturer. This is God’s love. It conquers
the world.

Page 144 God desires true intimacy with each of us, and that comes only when we
trust Him enough to be fully transparent and vulnerable.

Page 174 Now close this book. Get on your knees before our holy, loving God.
And then live the life with your friends, your family, parents, spouse, children,
neighbors, enemies, and strangers that He has created and empowered you through
the Holy Spirit to live.

11-2-09 Crisis of Faith

One of the blessings of being here is that I get to read a lot, and every now and then I read something profound or overwhelming. Something that compels me to put the book down and accept or work through it before moving on. Like this morning. I am reading, ‘Tears In The Darkness: The story of the Bataan death march and its aftermath’. It is about what happened in the hours and months after Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. Most people don’t realize that Japan attacked other cities and islands within hours of attacking Pearl. They captured Guam, Wake island and Hong Kong within weeks of attacking Pearl Harbor and they marched on Singapore and coming ashore on the East Indies within months. During all of this time Japan was invading the Philippines and after a 99 day offensive the U.S. military was forced to surrender. It was the largest surrender of troops in the U.S. History (except the Civil War), over 76,000 troops. But the book is more about the aftermath than the battle itself. The infamous Bataan Death March. I was stationed near Bataan a couple of different times when I was in the Navy (Manila and Olangapo), and I had heard a little about the fight at Bataan. So the book caught my eye. As I read the book I quickly realized that what i had heard was nothing compared to the horrid reality of what actually happened there after the official fighting stopped and the real war for survival began. Suffice it to say that I do not reading a memoir of war, modern or even medieval, wherein I experienced such a visceral sense of hate for the oppressors. More incredulity over their barbaric actions and more empathy with the suffering of the oppressed, in this case the American and Filipino prisoners of war. So this was my emotional state when I tripped over a seemingly innocuous line of text on page 317 of the book. ‘Son, no one is hopeless’. Actually, tripped is too polite, I actually fell flat on my face over this text and the back story of it because it threatened me at the core of my faith. It was at once beautiful and damning. The situation was deplorable and evil. Nothing that I can summarize here would begin to paint the picture, short of reading the book. In the midst of the most heinous atrocities (nice adjectives, huh?) that you can imagine (and some you probably can’t imagine) befalling P.O.W.’s when their captors know that they have lost the battle (and have nothing but contempt for the Geneva Convention). A lone Catholic priest/soldier, Bill Cummings, trying to survive, trying to minister to the living and personally touch and give last rites to the dying (over 1,000 in his section of the prison alone in the last month) was being forced to go to Tokyo as a prisoner. In a conversation he told someone that if he survived there, he planned to stay after the war and continue some type of missionary work among his captors, his torturers. One of the men dying around him made a statement to the affect that the Japanese barbarians were hopeless…beyond hope. To which he replied, ‘Son, no one is hopeless.’ So there I was with a major crisis of faith. I mean I actually hate these people described in the book, I think of my grandfather fighting this war from a different island and my hatred grows more active, more violent… Then I read that line, ‘No one is hopeless.’ and I can’t breathe. The questions that it forces upon me are overwhelming. Do I really believe that no one is without hope? That no one is so lost, so debased and depraved that they are outside of God’s love?

Because that is the core belief of my faith. That no one is outside the love of God. That there is no action, or seemingly endless series of actions, that Jesus’ voluntary love sacrifice can not cover, can not redeem. The entire story is that Christ is offering redemption to anyone and everyone who will accept it…anyone!

 

So when I am filled with hate, when I deem people unworthy of my hope, and thus judging them as unworthy of Christ’s hope, I can not even remotely begin to say that I am living out the faith – No matter what the rest of my life looks like. So, the question that is begged here…

 

If I were there, in Bataan, would I hate or would I love?

 

And before you offer me an easy way out by saying that I am being hard in myself or that something like Bataan was too extreme of a situation to use as an example, consider this:

 

I am in prison, but as far as prisons go this place is not so bad. There are some good people here. However there are some very bad people here as well (prisoners and guards). People that do things that make me sick. Violent people, abusive people, perverted people, and the list goes on.

 

In short, people that I find very easy to hate. some passively, some actively. As if it is not enough to hate them, but I have to go the extra mile and let them know what I think about them. To judge them publicly. People who i see no hope for in this life or eternally. People who i have already judged as unworthy of hope, as beyond redemption and by doing so I have, quite literally, betrayed my faith. Defamed Jesus. Denied Love.

 

Harsh words? Maybe. But I passionately believe that after all is said and done, after all of the complicated theological considerations the two things that God asks me to do (The ‘two most important commands’) is to 1) Love him and 2) love others (Matthew 22:38-39) and that by loving others he explicitly means those that are hardest to love, enemies and all (Proverbs 24:17, 25:21; Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27,35; Romans 12:20 just to list a few).

 

So what to do now? I feel confronted and convicted by the Holy Spirit and I want to respond honestly, to work through these thoughts and feelings. I started by prayer and reading scriptures which confirmed my thoughts and encouraged my desire to work through them. To apply them in my life.

 

I was thinking about reading the whole book again seeing if I could find some empathy or other softening of my heart towards the people I have come to hate so vehemently the first time through…but that began to seem to academic to me. So I decided to write this letter while the thoughts are still fresh and the emotions are easily palpable…

 

…and then I am going to walk around the prison yard here and see what kind of hope and affection I can develop towards those people I have purposely withheld it from.

 

Because, it is true, No one is without hope, not even me!

 

Joe

 

PS – So now I am thinking about what it means, or looks like, to show hope and affection towards guys I really can’t stand, guys I really can’t stand in prison, and it sounds really corny, kind of impossible and maybe just a little intimidating (and while I am at it not much fun either…at least in the short term). This is the walking by faith part, the trusting in Jesus part, the doing his will part……

 

Hmmmmm, what will I do?

 

10-23-09 – Ironmen

Ironmen

One of the blessing of being here is that I have plenty of time to read. Some things I just read to get through the day but some things I read have the potential to change my life…I really love those things. I was reading something this morning from a great man named E.M. Bounds. It was written around 1910 and has been rewritten several times since then. Originally it was titled Preacher And Prayer, now I believe the most current revision is Power Through Prayer. Anything that Bounds writes is worth reading and much of has the power to transform your life.

 

As I was reading this I thought of how much of an encouragement and challenge it would be specifically for the men I have fellowshipped with for the last several years in a small group that we like to call ‘Ironmen’. As well as the other men that I have had the privelage to fellowship with throughout my life. So I am including a paragraph of his below with some slight modifications below.   

 

What does it take to be a man of God, what we love to think of as an ‘Ironman’?

 

‘The energy of self denial must be his being, his heart and blood and bones. He must go forth as a man among men, clothed with humility, abiding in meekness, wise as a serpent, harmless as a dove; the bonds of a servant with the spirit of a king, a king in high, royal bearing, with the simplicity and sweetness of a child. The Ironman must throw himself, with all the abandon of a perfect, self-emptying faith and a self-consuming zeal into his passion for the salvation of others. Hearty, heroic, compassionate, fearless martyrs must the men be who take hold and shape a generation for God. If they be timid time servers, place seekers or men fearers (or pleasers), if their faith has a weak hold on God or his Word, if their denial be broken by any phase of self or the world, they cannot take hold of their families, their church or the world for God.

 

The Ironman’s sharpest and strongest instruction should be to himself. His most difficult, delicate, laborious and thorough work must be with himself. We are not sermon makers, but men makers and saint makers and we are only well trained for this business if we are in the process of making ourselves men and saints. It is not great talents or great learning nor great leaders that God needs, but men great in holiness, great in faith, great in love, great in fidelity, great for God – men always sharing, reaching and living their lives for God and others. These men can mold a generation for God.’

 

Never give up,

 

Joe

10-10-09 My new unit

Remember when I said I was moving to the new unit and I thought it would be quieter and cleaner? Well, I was wrong. I did move, but it is not cleaner and it is not quieter…not by a longshot. Another thing that is interesting about my new unit and wing is the other guys there. The lower level of the unit is taken up by all of the drug rehab inmates and the upper level is mostly guys waiting to go in to rehab. The guy on other side of the wall from my bunk (which is known here as my Wally) is a ‘white collar’ guy from Seattle and he not-so-affectionately refers to our new digs as ‘The Hood’. One of the many ‘benefits’ of The Hood is that I get to hang around and even live with some pretty heavy gang bangers and motorcycle club guys. There are at least 10 different prominent gangs represented and several smaller regional gangs as well. As different as they all want to believe that they are. I see very few differences overall. The gang mentality is a deviantly fascinating phenomena…but I will save that for a future post. I want to share something that may actually apply to someone reading this blog and/or their family. Because the one thing that all of these gangs have in common is that they aggressively sell meth to people outside of their gangs and outside of their neighborhoods. In fact, I am learning that for many of these guys, who do not all look like thugs, their favorite new customers are high school and college students cramming for exams, high school and college athletes trying to perform at a higher level, waiters/waitresses and construction workers who are trying to keep up with all the demands on their lives…favorite because they start using the drug for a specific purpose and quickly turn into addicts who can no longer function normally without their new best friend. These gang affiliated drug dealers give free drugs and money to middle class white teenagers from the most average families from the most quiet neighborhoods to bring them new clients. It is a process that starts seemingly innocent and small and then it quickly overwhelms all of its victims. And their is nothing remotely innocent or friendly about meth, the things that I have learned about meth while I have been here literally scare me to death. It is probably the most dangerous, addictive and life ruining drug that has ever been created. If you think you, your family or anyone you know is affected by meth, do your homework and do everything you can to help them get as far from this drug as possible. Please pay attention. I talked to dealers here who are from the Seattle area who claim that they sold to kids and adults from my neighborhood of Woodinville/Redmond all the time. So don’t just think that it couldn’t happen to your family, have the talk. I think there is a program called ‘Faces of Meth’ that you can Google. It is supposed to be very eye opening.

Joe

10-3-09 – Blessings

As I look back through the years of my life I realize that I have been blessed to have been able to surround myself with really good men. Not just casual friends, but men that gather together for the express purpose of encouraging each other, holding each other accountable and growing together.
Most recently (before coming here) I have enjoyed this blessing of fellowship with the Ironmen group from Woodinville Alliance Church, before that I was blessed to be able to meet weekly with Barry, Jon, Matt and Tony when we lived in Magnolia…and there have been other groups of guys that stretch all the way back to the guys at Westsound Church in Silverdale. Many of which, I am still in touch with even from here. These men make up a large part of the fabric of my life and I am very thankful they have been and are in my life today. They make me strive to be a better man.
I bring this up because tonight I am reminded that I am once again blessed with a group of good men who are gathering together to encourage and challenge each other, even here. We have a group of about 20 guys that meet as a group on Friday nights to study the Bible together and to share each other’s joys and burdens. There are several other Bible studies during the week, but this one is special. The group is very intimate. We are heavy on the sharing and the discussions have been been profoundly honest and moving. There are men here that I will be friends with 20 years from now. Men that I can’t imagine not being part of my life now that they are in it.
In short, there are blessings for me even in prison.

Joe

9-28-09 – Reminiscing

Hello All,
I have not been motivated to write much lately. Actually, I have started some things but have a hard time finishing them for various reasons.
I think you get caught up in a bit of a paradox being here. On one hand you are desperate for contact with the outside world. For family, friends, memories of who you are and what your life was. On the other hand, this same longing becomes this bitter pill that you repeatedly have to swallow and the bitterness can become crippling after a while. So it becomes harder and harder to reach out for the thing that you crave the most…that I crave the most.
Lately I guess I have been self medicating with memories. I have been actively going through the rolodex in my mind and remembering the good times of my life (of which I feel very blessed to be able to say there are many) and although these reminiscences tend to trigger the longing I am trying to subdue, the joy that they bring consumes the bitterness for now. So to all of my family and friends, thank you very, very much for the memories!
Moving pictures
in my mind
The only happiness
I find
In this God
forsaken place
I close my eyes
and see your face
Your the light
in my dark night
Thoughts of you
keep me alive
But sometimes I’m afraid
they wont survive
This house of mirrors
and of lies…
A bit dire and definitely melodramatic, but it paints a picture….

Joe

8-5-2009 – First Year Thoughts

Hello All,

I have been trying to write about what I have learned or how I have changed in prison after my first year here and that has proved to be difficult. Partly because I wont really know how much I have really learned or changed until I get home and put things into practice, actually experience how these changes affect my life. Right now it is all just theory…

Also partly because I feel like the learning curve is just now starting to really take off. So much of this first year was filled with adjusting to life in prison, reacting to people and situations, trying to change people and situations, dealing with my anger and depression – like riding this massive wave and doing anything and everything I can not to fall off and get crushed by it.

The good news is that the wave is pretty much gone and my sea is calm even when there are other massive waves around me. You wouldn’t believe the chaos that can break out around me and yet hardly even phase me. I am finding myself much more able to be still (Psalm 46:10), my prayer life is maturing and becoming so much richer, I am not near as distractible as I used to be, I am learning to be more compassionate and less judging. Wendy and I have found an entirely new language and new ways to rediscover our relationship. We have been able to do a lot of work on our relationship that we otherwise would probably never got around to. Our marriage will be profoundly deeper, more intimate and secure because of this experience and how we have used it.

However, oddly enough, if I had only had to do one year as I originally thought I was agreeing to, I would only have flirted with all of these things and then walked away. As it is now, every month is seeming to bring with it more profound change and the confidence that these changes will endure long after I walk out of here.

I still have a lot to figure out and work on. My pride and anger can get the best of me pretty quick. These seem to be the most efficient currency in here and I seem to have enough of both to get my way most of the time. But I am trying to work them out of my life, out of my heart and go against the flow so to speak…

Time will tell!

Joe

PS – It is Maddy’s birthday today, she has been checking one of her videos on Youtube to see how many hits she gets. Stop by and give her a click if you would… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5FMEMuC-il

PSS – I hope I got that URL right

07/13/09-Moving day

Hi Everyone,

I moved to Unit 6 today, which is a good thing because that means I am closer to the door (My Out Date) and I think that the unit is cleaner and quieter overall. My new mailing address is

Joe Lavin
#37875-086 / Unit 6
PO Box 6000
Sheridan, OR 97378

Take care,

Joe

6-7-09 – Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire

Joe and Friend

 

Fresh Wind Fresh Fire

 

 

 

 

5-15-09 Mexican-Ethiopian-European-Prison-Soccer…

..watch for the reality show soon!

OK, so here is a quick update. I think I tore my bicep or something on my rotator cuff (X-Ray next week) lifting weights, so no more weights. No more basketball either…pickleball is even hard now so what to do on these summer days. Hmmm, I know I will go play soccer. I mean how bad could it get, right? Right!

So I pulled my quad last week playing just some light pick up soccer and I have been on the mend since then. But it is so beautiful today, maybe just a little soccer. Ends up being a full game. My leg is a little sore so I decide to play goalie. I mean how bad could it get, right? Right!

Let me set the the field up for you. Mexico, Ethiopa and Scandinavia are represented very well. I am representing USA…not so well, but what I lack in talent I make up for with aggression. Which just escalates the game a litlle. The first hour is going pretty good, we are keeping the ball in their end quite a bit and when it comes my way my defenders are picking up a lot of the action. The second hour things change a bit, the other team gets 3 substitutions and we don’t get any. It is 5 to 3 for us. BUt now my defenders are dog tired and they don’t even make it down half of the time except for one faithful guy who is determined not to leave me alone to meet my doom.

So the three substitutes are all forwards and they are having the time of their life (at my expense) with at least 20 breakaways and probably another 15 shots on goal with my defenders there. Somehow they only got another 7 points..but I feel like I just got back from the front line of a battle and I am sure my dreams (nightmares) tonight will be filled with visions of people charging my goal…I hope I don’t talk in my sleep.

I can hardly walk, my face is swollen from trying to eat the soccer ball and I have plenty of bruises because Mexican-Ethiopian-European-Prison-Soccer is most definately a full contact sport…but it is the most fun I have had here in months with the exception of my visits!

Thats all for now, just thought I would let everyone know that there are good days in here as well!

Joe