6 Weeks – Digging Deeper

Hello All,
6 Weeks to go…these are getting kind of fun to send! Time for some serious introspection…..
I think, at times, though they may be rare, I have had moments of pure compassion for the world, that I have truly cried for the world. But then again, I am often too busy crying for myself to really cry for others….
No, that is not true. God has mercifully placed an empathy for others in my soul and I daily seem to carry this mixed blessing. But what is often missing is the associated actions, the practical manifestations of some of my deepest callings. I do not know what stops me from taking action…I hate to think it is fear, but I hate even more to think it is really just everyday, common apathy.
I have often wondered if my prison experience would change me in some dramatic way, specifically regarding this area*. That it would provide me with some magic missing impetus or drive to engage myself in the social injustices that surround me, that surround us all. That I might leave here with a fire and presumed ability to change the world.  Well, I am leaving here in a matter of weeks and I do not think that is the case. I am a changed man for sure, whether that is a matter of time or circumstance or both, I believe it is most importantly a matter of God’s Holy Spirit working on me. However, in changing I have gone deeper inward and I am more focused on the deep matters of my heart, of my personal truths and the importance of just living those truths…because that is quite honestly hard enough for me in itself. I guess that through these emails and other avenues I am also trying to share these truths. I do not really know how these changes are going to take shape once I am back in the free world with my family and friends…with my desires and ambitions…with pleasure and pain…with joy and suffering…but I am extremely excited to find out.
Hopefully I will care enough and be brave enough to really find out!
Soon,
Joe
* PS – I would say that one of the worst thing that prison does to you is to desensitize you. Bad things happen in prison quite often. They are often very unfair and extremely power oriented. The weaker party or ‘victim’ is pretty easy to discern, but helping them in any obvious way can be a disastrous decision. So, you learn to look away and accept things as ‘normal’ unless they happen specifically to you or one of your carefully chosen close friends…it is not a good way to live, to practice being human. That is not the primary reason for the thoughts above, but it is the circumstance I am in so it obviously has some bearing. I know that I will be able to instantly shed most of my prison callousness as soon as I walk through the door, but I can see how it can be difficult to do so for many ex-prisoners….and I wonder which parts will stay with me.

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