9-28-09 – Reminiscing

Hello All,
I have not been motivated to write much lately. Actually, I have started some things but have a hard time finishing them for various reasons.
I think you get caught up in a bit of a paradox being here. On one hand you are desperate for contact with the outside world. For family, friends, memories of who you are and what your life was. On the other hand, this same longing becomes this bitter pill that you repeatedly have to swallow and the bitterness can become crippling after a while. So it becomes harder and harder to reach out for the thing that you crave the most…that I crave the most.
Lately I guess I have been self medicating with memories. I have been actively going through the rolodex in my mind and remembering the good times of my life (of which I feel very blessed to be able to say there are many) and although these reminiscences tend to trigger the longing I am trying to subdue, the joy that they bring consumes the bitterness for now. So to all of my family and friends, thank you very, very much for the memories!
Moving pictures
in my mind
The only happiness
I find
In this God
forsaken place
I close my eyes
and see your face
Your the light
in my dark night
Thoughts of you
keep me alive
But sometimes I’m afraid
they wont survive
This house of mirrors
and of lies…
A bit dire and definitely melodramatic, but it paints a picture….

Joe