8-5-2009 – First Year Thoughts

Hello All,

I have been trying to write about what I have learned or how I have changed in prison after my first year here and that has proved to be difficult. Partly because I wont really know how much I have really learned or changed until I get home and put things into practice, actually experience how these changes affect my life. Right now it is all just theory…

Also partly because I feel like the learning curve is just now starting to really take off. So much of this first year was filled with adjusting to life in prison, reacting to people and situations, trying to change people and situations, dealing with my anger and depression – like riding this massive wave and doing anything and everything I can not to fall off and get crushed by it.

The good news is that the wave is pretty much gone and my sea is calm even when there are other massive waves around me. You wouldn’t believe the chaos that can break out around me and yet hardly even phase me. I am finding myself much more able to be still (Psalm 46:10), my prayer life is maturing and becoming so much richer, I am not near as distractible as I used to be, I am learning to be more compassionate and less judging. Wendy and I have found an entirely new language and new ways to rediscover our relationship. We have been able to do a lot of work on our relationship that we otherwise would probably never got around to. Our marriage will be profoundly deeper, more intimate and secure because of this experience and how we have used it.

However, oddly enough, if I had only had to do one year as I originally thought I was agreeing to, I would only have flirted with all of these things and then walked away. As it is now, every month is seeming to bring with it more profound change and the confidence that these changes will endure long after I walk out of here.

I still have a lot to figure out and work on. My pride and anger can get the best of me pretty quick. These seem to be the most efficient currency in here and I seem to have enough of both to get my way most of the time. But I am trying to work them out of my life, out of my heart and go against the flow so to speak…

Time will tell!

Joe

PS – It is Maddy’s birthday today, she has been checking one of her videos on Youtube to see how many hits she gets. Stop by and give her a click if you would… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5FMEMuC-il

PSS – I hope I got that URL right