4-30-09 Depression

I am going through probably the most persistent phases of depression since my first month here. it just seems to hang over me every day and I can’t figure out how to beat it yet. Overall I am fine. I am taking care of the things that need to be taken care of and i am finding some joy in the friendships that I have been fortunate enough to establish here…but as I said, the black clouds of depression are looming constantly overhead right now.

The good news is that there are some tremendous things to learn while i work through my depression, accept my depression. One of the biggest lessons for me has been learning that sometimes trying to fight or avoid being depressed is the worst thing I can do. This can actually exacerbate it and make it seem more severe. I think sometimes (not all times) you have to find a way to make “friends” with depression so it doesn’t consume you. (I can imagine John Piper saying to to be “joyfully depressed.”)

Actually, I am sure Piper would say, “Don’t waste your depression.” (He wrote a great book titled Don’t Waste Your Life) and I am doing my best not to. I am learning to be more still (Psalm 46:10), more prayerful and more patient. I can’t really find any distractions to help me ‘mask’ my depression and i can’t do much to change my physical situation…but I know this is only temporary, so i am just doing my best to lean on God and honestly experience aas much joy as possible in the midst of my depression, and that is OK for now…and probably much better than OK for my future.

*As a disclaimer, i do not feel that I am clinically or chronically depressed. I am just in a situation where being depressed from time to time is to be expected.

Friday April 17, 2009

I have been working on a pretty big project here for the last 10 months with a group of 10 other inmates and a couple of staff members. It involves education, vocational training, and job placement upon release, character building, parental education, lifestyle changes and successful re-entry into communities for the inmates here. It got off to a great start; it is extremely comprehensive and ready to go. It has been ready for the last several months and is now “stuck in committee” with no indication that it is ever going to be implemented. Which isn’t just a shame for the inmates here; but it is a shame for their families, the communities that they are going back to and for the victims of their future crimes if they are not shown how to live successfully without crime. Unfortunately the recidivism rate is somewhere well above 50%. Very well above…which means that this system is definitely broke?

So we are all obviously disappointed as we wait for some sign from the BOP that they are interested in this sort of program.

In the meantime I am doing what I can to influence guys in a positive way and help them make some positive changes in their lives. At the same time I am learning how to make some positive changes in my own life. I lead a yoga class in the chapel every week day (Hmmm, Christian yoga, who would have thought?), I am facilitating a class on “Authentic Manhood” (DVD followed by group discussion), I am starting poetry and creative writing workshop next week (I have no idea how this is going to go yet) and leading a Bible study. I have also got a few ministries to send in books and media materials to the chapel, especially Prison Fellowship Ministry and John Piper’s ministry (www.desiringgod.com). So I am feeling like I am being useful and I am staying busy, which makes time go by much faster!

One of my best friends here went home last week and I really miss him (Hey Jim!) but I am also really happy to know that he is back with his family and moving on with his life.

That is all for now, thanks for keeping up with me!

Joe